When I was seventeen-years-old, I was devastated by a break-up. Perhaps the sad music coming from my pink colored iPod mini at that moment was coloring my world into a deep sadness; Damien Rice's soft voice playing "9 Crimes" as I lay in angst at the pain of attachment to teenage love.
Huddled in confusion and grief. I asked for help.
Between the space of plea and an answer, I subconsciously wrapped my arms around my shoulders to give myself a hug, a touch of support - a kind loving gesture that I was shocked to find.
A SOFT VOICE THAT WHISPERED
"I AM HERE FOR YOU, SELF. I CARE."
This inner guidance that I received, this refuge and this deep acceptance of profound love. Myself. I had tapped into an inner source of wisdom, love and care; so profound and deeply entrenched in the center of my heart. Having expected that I needed another to mend my pain, I leaned into this comfort from myself as I softly closed my eyes and rocked myself to sleep.
SNUGGLED IN THIS COMFORT OF MYSELF, THIS ACKNOWLEDGMENT AND PROFOUND REALIZATION THAT... I AM ANOTHER BEING, A BEING THAT I NEED, AND I AM ABLE TO SUPPORT AND BRING LOVING KINDNESS TOWARDS MYSELF
Through times of despair and discomfort when I've felt afraid, confused and panicked, I would always come back to myself and mend the pain through words of kindness and encouragement. At times of rage, I would go weeks forgetting my inner guidance. But eventually, I would come back inward to my heart, "Are you still there?" I would ask, muffled through tears and desperation. Without hesitation, through the darkness, a small light of beacon softly spoke, "I am still here".
AS HUMANS, WE OFTEN FORGET THIS INNER GUIDANCE. .
When clouds are stormy and tornados sweep into our heart and mind, we tend to forget the sunshine behind the clouds. And if the inner guidance hasn't been activated in a long time, it can be forgotten - lost in the mud of our mind. Some days, the whispers of my loving kindness are faint, far away and difficult to find. Despite the despair, through practice and recognition, I have found, that like others, deep in our heart and mind, there is a place, waiting for us to listen and surrender to. A place that whispers, "I am here for you, self. I care".